Gerontophobia/PeterPan Syndrome/Isolation = Me

 I'm not always the brightest person ever in fact from what my parent told me I think I was having autism, it's just that I didn't get diagnosed or anything, I just went through it LIKE A BAUSE! Because I was so isolated when I was a kid, I rarely talk to others and I often talk to myself however I have no imaginary friend what-so-ever. Growing up I still have does symptoms, just not that obvious because I met with crazy people through out the years who thought me to talk, sing *I swear that before I met these peoples I never sing out loud* and laugh REALLY LOUDLY! I gained some confidence that way!
 However I'm  still having gerontophobia.(Gerontophobia- Fear of old people or of growing old.) I admit that I have this PeterPan syndrome *I refuse to grow up!* and I get anxiety whenever elderly is near me, it's the same fear I have with clown (just I don't scream/yell whenever they are near). I just hold my breath *for no apparent reason* and I get all sweaty and I avoid eye contact AT ALL COST!!! This is why I try not to call any of my friend kakak or abang cause once I do, I never be normal again!!! It's unavoidable phobia with lecturers...*got nothing else to say*.
 Last year was the worst year ever because of a 'series of unfortunate event' that I decided to end at some point. *no worry, I was just hurt emotionally....and mentally* (the story is a bit exclusive). Sometimes I wish I could just delete my memory of those peoples just like I delete files in my computer. Enough  about that, after I ended the misfortune I had with those people, I fell into a deep depression for almost half a year and this was during my entrance in KMK. I was isolating myself and refuse to talk to new peoples that I met, I often sits alone but the good side is I started to get closer with my family.
 I grew up in a nice house, I watch TV all day, I was a good kid so realistically there was nothing to talk to my parents about. My dad usually gave us pocket money once a week but there are times when I didn't even ask for pocket money for two weeks *most of the time I didn't spent any money in a week* then my dad started a silent treatment on me because I didn't talk to him in a long time.*It's not my fault I don't need more money!*
 But when the incident happen I talked, even cry in front of them *honestly I told you I'm a good kid, I don't cry when I fall, I don't cry when I don't get what I want*. The last time they saw me crying was when my brother went to boarding school and that was when I was 7. I really talk alot afterward.
 When I enter KMK it was hard for people to approach me but not for Umai. For 1st Sem Umai, Me & Syida always stuck together in class but during lecture I sat in the front row alone (I was still emo at the time), then during 2nd Sem we had all girl class so I was more comfortable & with the existence of my classmates I was back to being me! Thanks alot to Tikah, Umi & Syahira for being such a good friend o me!

People who made me want to be a better person... Zank Qyu Beri Mucho!

Being in USM, HBP in Sem 1, I am still missing those angels but life goes on, I was busy the whole sem, assignment after assignment! I didn't even have time to sleep sometime but know that I wuv u guys! My phobia and antisocial behavior still creeps in me sometime, but at least it is less than ever! This Sem I got close to Stacy, Alaa, Vita & Syeila(this one is my roomate of course I got closer to her). Syeila, Vita & me are from the same principle so we will see each other often for the next 3 years but for Alaa whose taking ID and Stacy whose taking CM, only a few of our class will be the same but may our friendship last till death!

May our friendship lasts

May next year be a better one fro me and for all! I'm gonna do my resolution right next year!
In Sha Allah! JUST U WAIT!!!

Memoirs from 2013

RUS 104 Performance & Awards Night 2013/2014!!!

This is it guys, The End!!! Well, the end of RUS 104 that is! I'm so proud of archie's performance that nite, i could not care less about others performances! Even thought I'm just the audio editor for the performance, it took me a lot longer cause it needed others to coordinate the right timing for the performance, I would like to thanks Syeila & Din for the songs contribution...Zank Qyu!

Since I don't have the video, so enjoy the pictures (inipun curik orang punya)

XZBition Day

This is not me tryin to shorten the words again, it's actually spelled like that! It actually is our 7th project for RUS 104 and the date is on 16th of December but because of my anxiety over the plausibility of Kakak(my cat) given birth and my lack of sense of time, after the submission of project 6C I decided to go back to my hometown... Only on the evening of the 15th of December that I'm back in USM *I'm really sorry*... I put up a few projects, made boxes for the spotlights (cause it was too bright!) and made the fun paper thingy for the photobooths (bnyak lah tu, siap berkemas lagi) for me not sleeping that nite was ok cuz i just came but for the peps that had been there since morning! Kesian la jugakkan..
Pagi tu 7 plus-plus balik bilik mandi & tukar baju, balik ke Drum semula by 8 plus-plus... Blakang serius rasa nk patah! time Dean bagi speach memang tak tahan terus masuk booth duduk *sorry Dean, tapi saya dengaq* after that macam dapat aura kengkawan ku gagahkan diri tawaf Drum nk snap gambaq member2!!!
That day was fun walaupun keletihan but cannot sleep nyenyak sebab sakit blakang!*nilah balasannya kecik2 bawak bnyak sngat buku teks p skolah*
Moral yang boleh kita ambik disini adalah 'Jangan bagi anak2 anda bawak banyak buku semasa ke sekolah untuk mengelakkan dari sakit belakang di usia muda'
Sekian...

Ranting Projek 6!

Benda boleh siap awai jangan la lengahkan!

 Warning kepada sesiapa yang x gemarkan rant, silalah skip post ni! TQ

I'm starting off this post with a ranting session *if you read this & terasa silalah ambil iktibar* working on this project really menyakitkan hati because ada la makhluk2 nih yang bila orang suroh jadi ketua x mau tapi bila leader bagi arahan mulalah dia nk kembali menjadi Chinese dari China yang x faham sepatah pon Bahasa Melayu *padahai lahir kat Malaysia jugak!!!*... Kenapalah aq setuju nk jadi leader?! Naseb badan la hai...
Bila kita kata "rancang dulu/ calculate la kayu brapa bnyak nk pakai?" jawapannya "xpa kita tengok lampu nk pakai yang mana dulu kayu nanti kita tngok la" what the hell kau nk tngok lampu, frame amphitheater pon aq x nampak lagi! *padahal sepatutnya dh start potong kayu time tu* & that day waste satu jam dekat Komtar bejalan-jalan di kedai2 mencari lampu *walhal aq boleh tidoq sedap punya aritu*
That's that, & ada lagi satu makhluk ni yang awainya gedik2 volunteer nk jadi bendahari tapi qeja dia nk passing kt orang lain, berlagak macam pandai sangat! Sepatutnya semua perbelanjaan dia yang kira *aq siap ingatkan dia lagi setiap kali dia kluaq beli barang!* & a couples of days before submission projek dia p beli beberapa barang yang x cukup, & malam tu nak buat kiraan, tetiba dia angkat sora ngan aq "itulah x tahu mana resit pegi, u patut ikut beli barang tadi!" dalam ati aq api dah membara dh, *apa kejadah aq yang nk simpan resit, ang yang sepatutnya kira semua tu!!! klu aq ikut lagi slow la progress projek maghruk sintok oi!!!*
Lagi satu hal nak rant ni, ada la jembalang ni yang buat qeja xmo teli(matching in style Mohd Fairuz 'aq la tu'), dia ingat qeja group ni boleh kira sendiri2 then bila gabung dengan magisnya semua akan matching!~ Dah la bila orang mengharapkan nak siapkan part dia, dia boleh x mai then dia mai buat qeja alone *bajet Lone Ranger sngat!* pehtu bila suma turon padang dia boleh lesap tanpa berita... pehtu time malam tu kami semua mendongak ke langit mengira bintang2 sebab dia dgan senang hatinya p tngok international gala nite hapa ntah!!!
Bnyak plak aq rant ni! Biasa la klu rasa xmo buat qeja, aq pon klu boleh xmo buat qeja, nk dapat free mark ja... p tunjuk muka, duduk2, lepax2, chit chat, lepas letih sembang balik... sapa x mau lagu tu, tapi aq kesian kat orang yang buat qeja... to these kind of people tolonglah jangan selfish sangat k!

However, i nak berterima kasih kepada yang hardworking tak terkira kepada Pei Xiu, Nisah, Pejo, Ammar *walaupun ang slalu ilang tapi bila ang ada tu aq slalu kerah buat qeja, aq tau* dan terutama skali YangYang!!! abang muscleman yang slalu bertungkus lumus, berpeluh-peluh mengergaji kayu dan papan yang ada!...

p.s to myself:

Don't be like the one you despise!

MT In Langkawi

23-25 Nov aritu p Langkawi... Ingatkan tahun ni Langkawi xkan masuk list percutian aq buat kali pertamanya namun.. Jeng! Jeng! Jengggggg! School trip p Langkawi jugak... It's not that I don't like Langkawi or what since experience every year tu different & this time p ngan kengkawan plak but still ada rasa ''I WANT TO GO OTHER PLACES TOO'... Anywhat still dikira lucky la~ p Langkawi, atleast got no work to do time tu *ada tu ada, just bila kt langkawi, satu hapa pon x ingat dh*

Pic nanti update lain sebab hampir 400 gambar kat langkawi SAHAJA! mostly sebab continuous pics but still bnyak kot netbook nk proses, dh la barang menimbun dlam lappie ni...ingat nk wat gif segala maybe lambat lagi nk update post

 I had fun kt Langkawi! got to know more people, got to know more about people & places I went. Bilik no. 3 Kampung will forever be in my memory...

Anime-ing!!!

Time Japan Festival tuada la contest anime drawing, walaupun waktu cam sendat ku gagahkan jua untuk masuk contest tu semata-mata karna MyCSD *nampak sangat x ikhlas*... sebab x brapa nk bersungguh-sungguh I thought ambik characters from Ao No Exorcist jelah sebab theme dia 'Love and Friendship' *drawing lain aq tngok x ikut tema pon~* Anywho tajuk drawing ni 'Family is Love & Friendship'... Untuk mencantikkan lagi aq buat gif untuk para pembaca *bajet macam ada orang baca*

Yang penting disini adalah akak sempat praktis drawing & coloring pakai marker, drawing complete less than 4 hours la kot klu nk kira ke-fokus-an aq aritu...& yang paling2 penting adalah sempat wat fan-art untuk Ao No Exorcist, menjadi plak tu..*akak x sangka, terharu sngat*

U deserve a pat on ur back Fairuz *pat,pat*, & rite now banyak lagi benda nk kena settlekan so Adios Amigos

Social Life Baibeh!!!

I been to a quite number of social event for the past 3 month I'm here in USM. You should know by now that ma hands r quite heavy & that is y it has less words than other bloggers *Pemalas sebenaqnya!!!*

1. First social stuff when I landed in USM was the VARIASISWA ; it is an event for first year student to gather and compete among Desa, even Desa campus outside came and participated. Masa nk practise tu semak otak sangat dengan projek lah hapa lah but time dalam dewan meriah gila! *x pasal2 geng laki cheers utk Desa Aman satu malam tu, ntah hapa2!* dah la Desa Bakti Permai front seated plak..*terbaek lah*... Mulanya ingat nk masuk variasiswa wakil Fajar but then memikirkan diri dh jadi warga Bakti, masuklah jadi wakil Bakti... Mulanya kita yang ajak Stacy masuk walaupun dia segan2 time tu, tup tup dia jadi watak utama yg kena stay dari awal masuk stage sampai abih & I masuk a few second ja... *hihi, sorry lah Stacy yer but it's ok sebab nama pon pengalaman*... & uh, time ni la jugak kenai Cik Ekin, Baz, Mun & Putri * yg lain klu ada x ingat tu sorry lah* ni suma bakal Ar. dari Bakti. Performance boleh tngok sini Peformances Variasiswa Bakti 13/14

2.Then 9 Oktober yang lalu p tngok teater *1st time excited gila!*, p ngan Stacy & Syeila, dalam sejam jugak tunggu nk masok kat Dewan Budaya tu, Oh teater tu tajuk dia 'Teater monolog Surat Untuk Mama'... dari awal cita dh ble agak ending dia cmna sebenarnya, *spoiler alert bagi yang x sempat tngok*, iyalahkan apa kes dia nk tulis surat buat mama dia klu mama dia depan mata, logik la skit... tapi memandangkan ita ni kisah benar so sedih la utk brader yyang lalu kesah hidup camtu *gua simpati ngan lu bro!* ... but yang paling x ble blah tngok teater tu adalah penonton terlampau gexxx, iyalah tau la brader Azhar tu cute pun *aq tngok muka dia biasa la bagi yang masuk lakonan/ teater ni, ble jual tiket la muka tu* tapi x payah kot kluaq bunyi yang ntah hapa2 tiap kali dia senyum *sometimes I don't get people*, nasihat aq, x payah berharap sebab walaupon single dia sudah ada yang punya!

3.PIMPIM SISWA, time p program ni macam bizi skit tu macam x fokus tu, walapun begitu banyak yang dapat time camping ni, first skali macammana nk built tent then jalan dalam hutan waktu malam, muka kena lumoq ngan lumpur + air scrub *balik tu x tau la brapa lama basuh baju2 tu, dh la pakai tngan SAHAJA*, masak2 walaupun aq cari kayu/ basuh kuali ngan jadi tukang rasa ja *hihi*... Story about Chicken & Me time nilah... Storynya ketua Komanden saja nk khianat kami la kononnya letak ayam dalam tent nk tngok macamna budak2 react, silap besaq la sebab aq ni pencinta haiwan kan! Time nampak ayam tu dh tau dh ni mesti permainan orang atas ni, tapi xpa la, angkat la ayam tu nk letak dalam sangkar dia tapi tetiba teringat yang ayam ni bakal disembelih terus rasa down but still control la*macho la katakan*.. then this one brader come & tanya "la, pasepa nangih dia bukan buat slah pon" padahal aq mata beraiq ja time tu terus hujan lebat mata aq! x guna punya brader!!! Soalan dia tu aq jawab la dengan penuh kesenduan*xtau la dia dengaq ka x* & I qoute "sebab dia x buat salah la kesian kat dia, stgi nk kena sembelih!" pehtu dua ketul ayam aq ratah! Muahaha!!!*itu orang kata otak x betoi*

4.  ICN, Indonesia Cultural Night! Memang cultural gila! part  Indonesia yang x pernah aq ambik kesah tu... DTSP yang luas tu penuh kot!!! Disebabkan Riri, Maurine & Grady perform malam tu, kami tunggu sampai abih... yang paling ingat adalah SAMAN DANCE tu sebab best*& ada Maurine & Riri* & Rio Pono Rogo yang aq rasa penat hanya melihat mereka2 itu angkat kepala sinnga tu sambil menari *p.s. menatang tu scary siot!*

5.Heritage Explorace Trails! Pengalaman paling meletihkan, paling meluat, paling menyampah & seangkatan dengannya DAN yang paling lawak & paling paling BEST!!!!!!! Reason I said so adalah kerna... Wait nk kena start dari awai la kan cerita ni, mulanya sampai kat Dewan Sri Pinang * klu x silap la* kena cari group  *time tu fikir masuk je lah mana2 group pon* turns out group dah ditetapkan, & guess what?! My group ni ada I, Syeila, Stacy, Kirin & Sarah! Geng Wakaf bergabung skali lagi*dah macam jodoh plak**later I'll talk about Geng Wakaf ni yer!~* but anyway gettin back to the story, kami pon try lah ikut trails tu, dah la hujan silap buat task & yang paling lawak we had been walking in circle for about half an hour *sakit ati & skait kaki ja time tu* balik dewan tu ckap kena draw within 5 minutes sebab kami lambat yang lain suma nk hantar dah... so apa lagi I & Syeila dengan full speednya draw windows kat Georgetown Heritage buildings tu... time tu x expect apa2 dah nk balik nk tido ja yang ada dlam fikiran, sebab trails memang fail dah & time dia anounce kami dapat 2nd place dengan drawing tu feeling syukur x terkira *main point disini adalah DON"T GIVE UP! rezeki tu ada kalau kita usaha* daripada trip yg bosan & meletihkan dh jadi kenangan yang terindah buat Geng Wakaf *aiseh geli plak aq tulih jiwang ni*. Program ni masuk paper kot, boleh baca kt Xplorace an enriching experience for USM students

5. Recently, 16 Nov aritu to be exact budak HBP ramai2 *xsemua la* p hiking ikut MPP IK walaupon budak2 HBP yang p aritu brapa kerat ja yg IK, Satu bas tu Full dgan HBP SAHAJA! Sehari sebelom tu punyalah rancang nk bangun awal & segala... tup tup 7:30 ari kejadian Mun call & I quote "Fairuz kat mana? x nak ikut hiking ka?", terus segar mata ini, of course nk ikut la kan abih 35 Hinggit kowt! so dengan sepantas kilat mandi & etc p, dahla x prasan post FB suroh pakai baju Albatross!!! *malu jugak la kan tapi ku tebalkan muka jugak, & sorry sangat kt MPP IK terpaksa tunggu*... masa Hiking tu HBP suma ada kt depan kita pon skali la kan namun disebabkan energy yang lemah kita ditinggalkan blakang troup *like seriously blakang skali*... then ada satu geng ni break skali, 3-3 budak SK-Sains Kemasyrakatan bukan Kimia k! Muz, Lin dan Eira*sorrylah klu silap eja nama*, TQ sebab bantu & tunggu walaupun x kenai... That trip I got new friends yang lain umur & lain kos! Misi p Hiking tercapai!Yey!

7. Semalam a.k.a. beberapa jam yang lalu (22 Nov) I went to Japan Festival Night & since I was tired, i slept for most of the start but it's ok since it's only speeches... I really love the One Piece Modern Dance because of their cosplay are just intreppratation of the character & not the scary failed trials of cosplay! Good job to them! The perfomances by Aziana Teh from UTM are also good, she was having sore throat but imagine how great her perfomances would've been if she in good shape(@o@), Lagi satu yang x ble blah Assasin Creed nyanyi lagu jiwang *x masuk tema langsung*.... Overall Best sangat malam tu... pastu late nite snack KFC ngan Syeila, Stacy & Alaa...

Next! Off to Langkawi! What experience I'll get from this one I don't know, just hoping it'll be a good one!
I realize that dalam post ni bnyak plak writting aq... Wuteva lah!~ janji ada..
Later Update ngan photo skali... So for now, PAPAI!!!

Albatross!!!!!!!!!!

Even after they explain it, I still don't get why in the world they would choose albatross as an orientation name *yg aneh aneh* since di waktu ini aq terasa amat berat tngan nk tulih panjang2, what I can say about this HBP orientation yg kena bayaq RM50 ni adalah not worth it kot... maybe kos boleh dikurangkn sbb games yg dirancang mcm DIY ja, so x pakai duit pon but what do I know kan? HIghlight kt sini adalah Malam Albatross.... So Have a look *gambaq2 yg sama ngan FB jugak*

Fokus kepada Adik Vita yerr

Putih Gila Aina, Cantik sangat sampai takut nk bergambaq skali

Group 9 *group aq* dgn faci kami!!!

Selepas aq merewang-reang amik random shots

Cloud 9 dapat no 3 utk exploorace *akak rasa bangga sangat*

BFF Sabahan

Sbb keboringan, kami dua putus fius

Gila2 Part 2

Gambar atas: Rahsia bilik kami!!!Gambarv bawah Cik IKIN dhn seorang Amoi berjubah

 Cloud 9 yg boring tahap gaban dh ni

Muka tekezut tu sebenarnya x terkezut pun yg Malathi akan jadi Quenn Ross #wahhebat

Sesi fotografi at the end off dinner

sewel bertiga sebab sampai awai sngat... SEMANGAT!

Dua org yg dress up according tu tema, Good Job! Yang lain tu PEMALAIH! *termasuklah akak~*

Aq harap tahun depan aq boleh jadi faci yg aktif utk guide Jr.2 yg bakal masuk *aisehh baru dua bulan dia msuk HBP dh berangang* Xpa org kata "Reach for the stars, even if you fall, you'll fall into the sky" *ni self motivate ja, qoute sapa aq xtau la >.<*

Until new post, 안녕, 얘들 아!!!

Orientation!!!!!!!!!!!!

In this post I'm gonna write about my enrollment in USM & the orientation week! *(I know)x2, it's been like 2 months away from it* but what the fish, I'm still writing it... read it or leave!

The story of my orientation...

Kunci bilik kt Fajar

When i 1st enter my room (301AF26) *aiseh men ingat lagi tu*, my mom xleh nk cover muka dh sbb dia ingatkn my roomate tu chinese walaupun mak dia cakap & I qoute "Mesti terkejutkan, jangan risau saya mmang chinese tapi muslim", namun disebbkn shock yg terlampau my mak x dengaq, lepaih Syeila & her parents xdak baru kami boleh bagitau mak... *itulah org suroh pakai hearing-aid xmau, kata telinga lagi satu elok lagi... itukan dh salah faham*

BTW, my roomate masa kt Fajar tu nama dia SYIELA SUHANA, dia kata panggei dia apa pon xpa, so aq panggei dia Syeila walaupun mmbers dia panggei dia NaNa... Getting back to my story, 1st thing yg aq remember nk buat sebaik saja aq melandingkn kaki aq kt USM tu adalah CALL UMAI!!! *my classmate sem 1 KMK* Naseb bek ada org kenai, tapi disbbkan Umai doq F25 susah nk kluaq skali so brapa ari ja doq ngan Umai, nk hangout ngan roomate time tu nk rapat pon susah skit sbb kluar orientasi ja balik bilik trus tidoq*p.s. yalahkan dh kita ni jenih susah nk ngan nk wt cmna g*

But then, one day t dudoq lah sebelah seorang gadis jelitawan ni *apprearence dia sebijik Madam Fatni, rindu lecturer Chemy aq tu* nama dia Raja *royal tu~*

Cantik siot! Bangga aq ada kawan secantik ni

Sembang punya sembang, rupa2nya dia pun dudoq F26, kami kaw-team nk doq skali la klu nk p dngaq ceramah, & turns out dia roomate Sherry (yg merupakan mmber Syeila) so kami empat pon dudoq la skali lepaih tu only to know yg semua penduduk blok F26 kena pindah sbb nk bagi senior laki dudoq... di waktu itu hanya ingin ku katakn ~!@%^&*()_+ saja kepada mereka y menyusahkn aq nk packing balik segala bagai yg aq bawak... Sedih kot tau kena pindah dh la bagitau masa aq tngah smangat cheers tiba2 tau kena pindah hilang terus energy aq, pikiaq dapat roomate baru lagi nk perkenalkan diri lagi skali aq dh ok kot ngan Syeila!!!

masa diDTSP, Budak Fajar last skali bagi balik sebab  paling dekat, so kami pon menggila la

Masa hari cheers, lepas tu kami terpaksa berpisah TT-TT

I know well about silver lining sbb allah akan bagi aq yg lebih baik dari yg sebelom ni (berpengalaman la klu nk kata) just believe in Him... tup tup aq dapat pindah HIlton!!! #Wahhebatwahwahhebathebat , dapat bilik cam hotel *tanpa a/c la* tingkat satu plak!!! memei terbaik la!!!FYI, walaupun org len tukaq roomate namun roomate aq tetap org yg sama!!! CIK SYEILA SUHANA!! *woot! woot!*

Masa ari cheers, ingatkn kami akan berpisah, gambar official 1st kami  berdua

Bilik baru~ Harga pon x buang lagi!

Tu ja kot highlight masa aq orientasi *walaupun lepaih tu ada lagi 2 orientasi*, semua feeling susah (nk naik tngga), senang(ada mmber matrik), happy(faci yg bek-bek blaka), & sedih(terpaksa pidah dri fajar) namum aq kini adalh warga BAKTI PERMAI! Cak Aa! Cak Aa!!! I'm happy the way things turns out... untuk benda2 llain yg dh siap teratur utk aq, still have no idea~ ibarat kata org 'Just go with the flow' until new update...안녕!

Malam makan2 di Fajar yg akan ku ingat sakit perut di kebesokan harinya sampai bila2!!!

Ni lepaih ambik Musyi, disebabkn kafe Bakti tutup awai AQ, Syeila & Stacy kluaq makan luar for the 1st time malam plak tu

Yet After Another one

Just like the tittle said people! After an ongoing failed attempt to follow schedule to updated my many blogs/social network accounts, I still made another one! This time around I'm gonna do it rightly! This time around I'm gonna upload my art more *Seriously*! Aiseh men! Semangat kau!

Only after 1 month of becoming one of many other HBP family members in USM then only I am typing my blog here. A month here has brought me; my fastest up & down ever! *The Silver Lining on a grey day that you won't even aspect*

Oh! & for this blog, I named it as I did for ma last blog just cos i like it & no other reason.

Any who, for ma 1st entry for this blog I'm saying '환영!', ma name is Siti Fairuz Binti Zulkefly, a girl from Sungai Petani, Kedah who is ambitious, minimalism, green, bubbly, crazy & random *stress on the last two characteristic!*. Taking Architecture in USM for the year 2013/2014. I've tried many art project yet to find out that I just scratch the surface of art *still got a lot to discover* so be prepare to see more from me!!!