Gerontophobia/PeterPan Syndrome/Isolation = Me

 I'm not always the brightest person ever in fact from what my parent told me I think I was having autism, it's just that I didn't get diagnosed or anything, I just went through it LIKE A BAUSE! Because I was so isolated when I was a kid, I rarely talk to others and I often talk to myself however I have no imaginary friend what-so-ever. Growing up I still have does symptoms, just not that obvious because I met with crazy people through out the years who thought me to talk, sing *I swear that before I met these peoples I never sing out loud* and laugh REALLY LOUDLY! I gained some confidence that way!
 However I'm  still having gerontophobia.(Gerontophobia- Fear of old people or of growing old.) I admit that I have this PeterPan syndrome *I refuse to grow up!* and I get anxiety whenever elderly is near me, it's the same fear I have with clown (just I don't scream/yell whenever they are near). I just hold my breath *for no apparent reason* and I get all sweaty and I avoid eye contact AT ALL COST!!! This is why I try not to call any of my friend kakak or abang cause once I do, I never be normal again!!! It's unavoidable phobia with lecturers...*got nothing else to say*.
 Last year was the worst year ever because of a 'series of unfortunate event' that I decided to end at some point. *no worry, I was just hurt emotionally....and mentally* (the story is a bit exclusive). Sometimes I wish I could just delete my memory of those peoples just like I delete files in my computer. Enough  about that, after I ended the misfortune I had with those people, I fell into a deep depression for almost half a year and this was during my entrance in KMK. I was isolating myself and refuse to talk to new peoples that I met, I often sits alone but the good side is I started to get closer with my family.
 I grew up in a nice house, I watch TV all day, I was a good kid so realistically there was nothing to talk to my parents about. My dad usually gave us pocket money once a week but there are times when I didn't even ask for pocket money for two weeks *most of the time I didn't spent any money in a week* then my dad started a silent treatment on me because I didn't talk to him in a long time.*It's not my fault I don't need more money!*
 But when the incident happen I talked, even cry in front of them *honestly I told you I'm a good kid, I don't cry when I fall, I don't cry when I don't get what I want*. The last time they saw me crying was when my brother went to boarding school and that was when I was 7. I really talk alot afterward.
 When I enter KMK it was hard for people to approach me but not for Umai. For 1st Sem Umai, Me & Syida always stuck together in class but during lecture I sat in the front row alone (I was still emo at the time), then during 2nd Sem we had all girl class so I was more comfortable & with the existence of my classmates I was back to being me! Thanks alot to Tikah, Umi & Syahira for being such a good friend o me!

People who made me want to be a better person... Zank Qyu Beri Mucho!

Being in USM, HBP in Sem 1, I am still missing those angels but life goes on, I was busy the whole sem, assignment after assignment! I didn't even have time to sleep sometime but know that I wuv u guys! My phobia and antisocial behavior still creeps in me sometime, but at least it is less than ever! This Sem I got close to Stacy, Alaa, Vita & Syeila(this one is my roomate of course I got closer to her). Syeila, Vita & me are from the same principle so we will see each other often for the next 3 years but for Alaa whose taking ID and Stacy whose taking CM, only a few of our class will be the same but may our friendship last till death!

May our friendship lasts

May next year be a better one fro me and for all! I'm gonna do my resolution right next year!
In Sha Allah! JUST U WAIT!!!

Memoirs from 2013